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Monty Python and the Holy Grail
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Peasants:
"We have found a witch, can we burn her?"
Bedevere: "How do you know she is a witch?"
Peasants: "She looks like one!"
Bedevere: "Bring her forward."
Witch: "I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!"
Bedevere: "But you are dressed as one."
Witch: "They dressed me up like this."
Peasants: (variously) "No, we didn't. No."
Witch: "And this isn't my nose, it's a false one."
Bedevere: [lifts up false nose, and looks exasperatedly
at the peasants] "Well?"
Peasant 1: "Well, we did do the nose."
Bedevere: "The nose?"
Peasant 1: "And the hat. But she is a witch!"
[other peasants vociferously agree]
Bedevere: "Did you dress her up like this?"
Peasants: "No, no! No!
Peasant 1: "Yes. A bit." [other peasants begin
saying yes] "A bit. A bit. She has got a wart."
(cont. from above)
Bedevere:
"What makes you think she's a witch?"
Peasant 2: "Oh, she turned me into a newt!"
Bedevere: "A newt?"
Peasant 2: "I got better."
(cont. from above)
Bedevere:
"What do you do with witches?"
Peasants: "Burn them! Burn! Burn them up!
Bedevere: "And what do you burn apart from witches?"
Peasant 1: "More witches!"
Peasant 3: "Wood!"
Bedevere: [nods] "So. Why do witches burn?"
Peasant 2: "Because they're made of...wood?"
Bedevere: "Good!"
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Page last updated 8/1/04 |