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Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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(cont. from above)
Bedevere: "So. How do we tell if she is made of wood?"
Peasant 1: "Build a bridge out of her."
Bedevere: "Ah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?"
Peasant 1: "Oh, yeah."
Bedevere: "Does wood sink in water?"
Peasant 1: "No."
Peasant 3: "It floats!"
Peasant 1: "Throw her into the pond!"
Bedevere: "What also floats in water?"
Peasant 1: "Bread."
Peasant 2: "Apples."
Peasant 3: "Very small rocks."
Peasants: (variously) "Cider. Great gravy. Cherries. Mud. Churches, churches. Lead, lead."
King Arthur: "A duck!"
Bedevere: "Exactly. So, logically..."
Peasant 1: "If she...weighs the same as a duck...she's made of wood."
Bedevere: "And therefore..."
Peasant 3: "A witch!" [other peasants join in chorus of "a witch!"]

Narrator: "The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights. But other illustrious names were soon to follow. Sir Lancelot the Brave. Sire Galahad the Pure. And Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. And the aptly-named, Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Film. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries. The Knights of the Round Table."

King Arthur: "Can we come up and have a look?"
Frenchman: "Of course not! You are English types!"
King Arthur: "Well, what are you, then?"
Frenchman: "I'm French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?"

Frenchman: "I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King. You and all your English k-nig-gits!"

Frenchman: "I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Frenchman: "Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Knights: "Run away, run away!"

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Page last updated 8/1/04